June 21, 2017, I logged into Facebook to find everyone freaking out that the BACB site was down and results we coming out. I sat quietly at my desk and let it all sink in. This would be the second time I saw these messages come across the screen. My stomach was in knots “What if I failed again?” “Don’t cry at work if you did!” This was the day I became a BCBA. I thought that was the best day of my life. I had slain the beast and became a BCBA. Little did I know in just a few short months I would find out I was pregnant and would be becoming a Behavior Mama.
The day I found out I was pregnant so many thoughts crossed my mind how can I do this and be a BCBA? How would I be able to work with little children and be able to protect my baby from punches and kicks to the belly? How do I keep this quiet at work until I am in the clear to tell people?
Then I called my doctor and the first words out of her mouth are “No holds, no takedowns!” What? How am I supposed to do my job and be a good mom to this small human who is not even here yet? Needless to say, I had to tell work earlier than I would have liked but it all worked out in the end.
Now on to the next challenge balancing being a behavior analyst and a mom. I was told to track kicks in my belly. Well, that was easy, I got out my trusted tally counter and made a data sheet. After birth I was told to track how much she was eating, another easy task I have tons of datasheets for that. What I was not prepared for was to run ABA procedures on my own kid.
This was a tough pill to swallow for me. When I was in grad school I was always told that our kids were the worst behaved because by the time we are done helping other people’s kids we are to burn out to “deal” with our own. I made it my mission to not be that person. My daughter went straight into her crib the first night we came home because I vowed we would not co-sleep, I tracked data for sleep patterns, eating patterns, toileting. I made sure that tummy time was implemented early and times were tracked. With some ABA wisdom and some old wives’ tales approved by her pediatrician I had her sleeping through the night at two months old without waking. Nap trained by three months. Then it was time for me to leave this precious little human and go back to work. As the weeks came closer to me going back my anxiety got higher and higher. Who was going to cultivate this tiny human better than me? I can’t go back to work. No one is going to follow my strict schedule as I do! Then the phone rang. It was a colleague of mine offering me a stay at home position doing Tele-health. Thank you Jesus! My anxiety was back down to the normal range.
Then I realized something, I love being a BCBA Mama but I had to let up a bit and not make my kid a lab rat. Fast forward to the present I have an amazing, smart, and independent 17-month-old. I have learned that not everything is data on a graph with a procedure. Yes, I did use extinction to sleep train her for both at night and naps. However, if you asked me when she was born would you use a sleep crutch I would have looked at you like you had ten heads. She now sleeps with three binkies. If you had asked me will you use feeding procedures with her I would have said yes? Did I use feeding procedures with her, yes but I am at the point now where she can choose her meals and if she at least tries what is on the table I am happy. Do I run discrete trials with her for learning? Yes, I do but not all the time. Do you let her cry it out? Yes, I do but it sometimes kills me inside to hear my sweet baby crying.
“There is nothing in life that can prepare you for having a child. I can tell you this is the most rewarding feeling to be able to cultivate my own child by using the tools I have as a BCBA but also at the same time just be able to give her a hug and a kiss for no reason at all.”
About The Author
Claudia Marzella received her first undergraduate degree from The Pennsylvania State University in Hotel Restaurant Institutional Management and was employed as an event planner prior to coming back to school. She obtained a second bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Caldwell University and a Master of Sciences degree in Psychology with a concentration in Applied Behavior Analysis at Capella University. She worked as a Curriculum Coordinator at The Center for Autism and Applied Behavior Analysis at Caldwell College. Claudia also worked as an Instructor at REED Academy, which is a private school in New Jersey for children with Autism that is strictly an ABA model. She also worked at a public school in New Jersey that just began their ABA program for three two years. Claudia worked in the residential population as a Behaviorist. She also worked as Clinical Director for a small clinic-based in Northern New Jersey. Claudia currently works as a consultant for an ABA clinic in Texas called Guiding Light Concepts, LLC. She also owns my own company that provides RBT training, BCBA supervision, consultation for school districts, and workshops centered around ABA called Marzella Consulting, LLC. She is a member of the New Jersey Association for Behavior Analysts and Autism New Jersey. My research interests are feeding for children with developmental disabilities and children with autism, concept formation, and EAB.